The Nature of Motherhood

When I had my first daughter I was twenty one and immature. Not immature in the way we use it to describe childishness but in the literal sense that I still had a hec of a lot of personal growth and self discovery to do. Now, after four babies and some more than challenging moments in my marriage I feel that I'm well on with that journey. I've often wondered if I'd have been the person I am now if I'd not had children when I did. Would I have been the same person or have I only undergone these changes as a result of experiencing pregnancy and having children?

Despite occasionally wondering what could've been, I'm pretty sure it is becoming and being a Mother that has made me who I am now. Motherhood itself has brought with it the cornerstone of my spiritual awakening which has got to be my re-connection with the natural world which in turn has brought me even more in touch with my natural parenting instincts. As a young child I remember playing in the garden with leaves and twigs or modelling small vessels from lumps of clay dug from the ground. I remember the feeling of sitting on grass and working my fingers down through the thatch to feel the soil beneath and the smell of that soil. We made Butter (water and Buttercup petals!) and Sausages (with the clay!) to serve up in our house which was an area of the garden marked out by mounds of grass cuttings and we got completely absorbed in that world the existence of which was entirely down to nature and our own imaginations.

Somewhere between that time and becoming a fledgling adult that connection with the natural world was reduced to watching documentaries about wildlife in other countries and the occassional stare at the full moon. Becoming a Mother has helped me re-connect with the natural world within me and around me. It was by no means an over night thing. The first step was undergoing the empowerment pregnancy and birth brings with it. Every new mother feels it, not all of us can put it into words but something profound happens to us when we become a mother. We give birth to more than a baby, we birth new emotions, new hopes and new dreams too. As our children grow we continue to grow alongside them. Having children takes us to places we've never been before as we continue to gather new knowlege and learn.

Just Updating

I'm feeling a bit mute when it comes to blogging at the moment. Not usually a problem for me so I'm sure I will be back to my usual wordy rambles before long. In the mean time I'll just keep posting photo's of what we've been up to. Here's some pictures from this week:

Samhain/ Halloween - Do you know why you celebrate?

We took the children Trick or Treating again this year although I would prefer to stay at home and celebrate the true meaning of Samhain. Every year the essence of Samhain is completely lost in a heap of Haribo and Cadbury 'funzize' bars. It doesn't matter how much I talk to my children about our Ancestors and the reason for certain customs at this time, by the time they've got home with their sugar stash that's all they care about.

As we wandered along our street I noted the number of gates that had been firmly closed across the driveways. I never see these gates used at any other time so it's plainly obvious that these people do not want people knocking on their doors on this particular night! I know these are mostly the houses of an older generation who probably wouldn't object to our little tribe knocking on the door but they fear the notorious michief of the Teens, so we repect their wishes and leave them in peace. This year, something else struck me. As we went from door to door I started to wonder how many of the people answering and showering is with goodies actually knew why they were doing it! You know how people start harping on about how the true Christian meaning of Christmas is lost, well I was having the same thoughts about Samhain! It is essentially a Pagan festival but I really don't see why any religion should have a problem celebrating a festival that is largely one of rememberance. A time to remember our beloved dead and celebrate their lives and all the gifts of knowlege and wisdom they left behind for us. But I really feel this has been totally lost in the Trick or Treating aspect of Halloween. How many of us stop to remember that the sweets represent the offerings that the ancient Pagan people used to leave out for the visiting dead? How many of us know that we carve out Pumpkins because originally we left out Turnip lanterns to help the dead find their way back to us on this special night and then later (probably once the Church had had some influence) we introduced the scary faces on them to ward off the less friendly spirits. Sure if the veil between the worlds is thin at this time the more mischievious souls will pop back to visit us along side the more benign ones but how on earth did the Evil/ Trickster bit become so dominant in this festival?

The commercialisation of it upsets me too. If children were wandering the streets in homemade costumes collecting homemade sweets and biscuits I'd probably be less offended than I am by the junk sweets and plastic costumes.

The other thing that strikes me as bizarre is the rather ironic anti-Halloween attitude of the Christian Church given that it was them that turned it into "All Hallow's Eve" rather than Samhain in the first place. I find this a little strange. It's as if they feel like they've failed to Christianise a Pagan festival and so try to deny it all together! Liz at Honour and Inspiration has written an excellent post about this.

Ranting and moaning aside, we did have a fun evening and although I was alone with my memories of my Grandad and Great Grandparents as everyone else settled in front of the TV for the evening I was grateful for that time. Perhaps as the children grow older they'll start to embrace this aspect of Samhain more. They have been lucky so far in that they've not yet had direct experience of losing a loved one.

Samhain Blessings!

Gnomes and Pixies

Yesterday was a dull damp day. Nothing for it but to cosy in and sew these . . . . .

More Gnomes for the seasons corner!

At School pick up time the rain put in extra effort, so it was hoods up for the Pixies whilst they hunted for the biggest leaf . . . . . .

You can see from the photo's what a dreary day it was. Autumn leaves just aren't quite so inspiring and colourful on days like this but it didn't seem to stop the girls having fun . . . . . .

Conker Webs

Now it feels like Autumn! The children and I make these Conker webs every year but we normally just dot them around , some on the seasons display and some in the window. This year we decided to make them into a mobile to hang in the window and we're all pretty pleased with the results. I think we'll be making a few more during half term to ensure a good supply of Samhain decorations. Which reminds me; I came across this clever idea on the Wee Folk site today so we may have a go at a few Ghosts too.

Forgotten WIPs!

I finally managed to get my desk sorted out a bit better yesterday and thought I'd share some of my works in progress (or WIPs) that I came across during my crafty de-cluttering.

Hanging Bird Christmas Decorations started Dec '08

Hanging Bird Mobile started Jan/Feb time (I think!)

Birthday Crown for Rose started at the beginning of this week!

Mini Embroideries for Cards started Feb or March (maybe?)

Birth Sampler for Em. She was born in 1996 but I didn't even get round to starting this until September last year!

Various Embroideries in progress. Mostly me just messing about and experimenting! These were all started sometime in the Spring I think.Various lavender Sachets at various stages. Some just need sewing shut or a button sewing on the front, others need still need machineing and filling. A wool felt ball that I started a very long time ago. This WIP possibly dates back to when we lived in Lincolnshire which was four years ago! It's not that shocking really. I know if I really start digging I'll find WIPs (mostly vile, unappealing cross stitch kits) that date back to the late 90's when Em and Lib were tiny! Yep, keep scrolling......................

............. there's more!

Various felt "things" forgotten and left at the bottom of a bag.A Spring Flower Fairy started a couple of years ago and then left in my work box hatless. Perhaps this Spring?

So you know when I said Procrastination is my Art? Well I wasn't kidding! There's plenty more where this lot came from, ranging from half completed buntings and kids bake sets to bags, hair accessories and even some poor attempts at some Jewellery! Don't know if I'll ever finish some of these things. I'm a great starter but rarely finish anything as you can see. Perhaps it's my personality and I should just go with it and accept that it's the initial planning and beginning something that gets me going. It's still creativity of sorts, it's just that most days I stand back a see that all I've created is a big mess instead of a "something"!